In my last article "Understanding What You're Feeling," I dealt with the very complex subject of how to deal with and discern what you are feeling. Now, in this lesson, I am going to focus on how to avoid the many traps that your flesh and the demons of this world will try get you to fall into or cause you to make a wrong decision concerning a potential spouse.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POTENTIAL TO FAIL
1Co 10:12-13 Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. (13) There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
One of mankind’s biggest weaknesses is to believe that they can handle the temptations of life on their own. However, when actually faced with temptation, the moment can be overwhelming which can break down a person’s resistance to sin. These types of people often ignore the devices of the devil and go into situations relying on what they feel.
Every person must understand, even if you have the Holy Ghost in you, there is still the chance of falling into sin if you don’t take heed to God’s prompting… and that is because your flesh – is still your flesh! It doesn’t like God and neither can it be subject to God, unless you are vigilant about keeping away from possible traps through the Spirit and the Word.
HEED THE “SIGNS” THAT ARE REVEALED TO YOU
As we pointed out in our last study, understanding what you are feeling is critical. I won’t go back over that again, but let’s consider the little things that should tip you off and help you avoid a potential relationship that could end in disaster.
Men… get to know how the lady submits to their parents and those in authority. If she doesn’t submit to authority, most likely she won’t submit to you either.
Ladies… see how he treats his mother and how he interacts with people. If he is brutish, uncaring and doesn’t respect the mother in his life, then most likely he won’t love and respect you either.
Men… does the lady have a sweet, graceful and loving personality? If not, she may turn out to be bossy, mean spirited woman. Proverbs even states to avoid this type of woman.
Ladies… does the potential man flirt with the ladies or does he exhibit pride issues? If so, you may end up with some major trouble down the road.
Men… how does that lady handle her outward appearance, is she vain? How does she handle shopping? Is she careless with money? These can all be danger signs if you are not careful.
Ladies… does the man chase after God and stay humble? Will he be a caring provider for his home?? If not, troubles will surely come.
Those are just a few “spiritual” caution signs you should look for. Time would not allow me to cover more. However, you have to understand that if a person has these traits, they can lead you to some major trouble down the road.
Now, should a potential person be perfect… no! But, if that person doesn’t have a dedicated life to God that is willing to be changed, then trying to change a person will yield frustration and even conflict. Even if a person has the Holy Ghost, it doesn’t mean they are a disciple of Jesus… And more importantly, you have to ask yourself this question… does the Holy Ghost HAVE THEM?!
THE TRAPS OF SIN
Of all the things that can ruin someone’s life with the opposite sex; that is of course the sin of fornication. This is the major sin that will affect someone for years, upon years to come, even if a person has the Holy Ghost. Yes, God can forgive and restore, but that doesn’t mean there will be no consequences to deal with.
When couples go out together alone, we all know the danger that lurks. The reason it is so dangerous is that when two people “like” each other, it is natural to want to express those feelings with each other. However, emotional feelings for a potential spouse can be misleading as we taught in our last lesson.
When one or both parties involved engage their emotions, it can trigger and set off a slew of urges. The impulses are natural; God made them for pro-creation. But, if two people ignore the counsel of the Word of God because, they say, “We love each other”… then that will spell trouble.
Most think that they can still kiss, cuddle and express their emotions and keep themselves from sin. You may, or you may not be able to do that. But the point is that you don’t want to see how close you can come to the line, but instead you should see how far you can stay away from sin.
Scripture doesn’t say that if we are tempted with sexual urges to just endure the temptation… on the contrary. Scripture says we should flee it!
2Ti 2:22 Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
1Co 6:18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
I don’t need to elaborate on this more, I know most people understand what the traps are, but yet, a lot of people ignore it and end up falling. When sin takes place, it will leave scars and mistrust with the other person. Now, imagine if the two persons who fell got married. There would have to be some trust and scars that will have to be dealt with.
There is so much that can be added to this lesson, but suffice to say that the goal of keeping yourself from all these traps is not to limit your joy, but it is to preserve your character and integrity. It is to keep yourself from the devastating scars of sin, and to keep you from marrying the wrong person.
So, what and how do you deal with your situation if you have already fallen? How do you get healed from the pain? Restoration is possible in God! You will have to spend a lot of time with God to be healed from the sin of fornication. It will take some patience, counselling from a godly pastor (or parent), and it will take you looking in the mirror, forgiving yourself (after God forgives you) and learning from your mistake. There will be a scar, but not all is lost… there is hope at the end of a fall.
Read: Preparing For Marriage